nyc

It looks like today will be double.
The trees in New York were the lightest shade of brown, and I saw yellow-brown reeds in front of dark washed out green water in Central Park. Three buildings on that pond were all cold and closed. Why do I love the city I grew up near?
The stereotypes are accurate, in that saying hi for the hell of it is kind of stupid. And if you’re not part of the city, you’re kind of not welcome. But I think those commercials that showed New Yorkers ignoring everything that went by no matter how outlandish might have only been half-right. Sure, if something is of no consequence, people may pay it no mind. When people really get in trouble, though, I wonder how long that indifference lasts. All I have to go on is 9/11, when people truly and totally shared.
Interpol says that New York cares, and I’m not even sure if they’re being sarcastic. I don’t think they are, because I wouldn’t be if I said something like that. Why do I feel the need to redeem this city? I’ve never lived there, and I’ve only skimmed some of its benefits without paying any real price beyond what Metro North costs. I love the way people dress here and I love the city’s feel in winter. Yet all the live-it-up-ers get me down, and the people who are openly proud of walking quickly without turning do too. I look around in the subway, and I see everything – very little is New York-specific. Perhaps the only thing that they have in common is pride, or for some, courage.
My thoughts are in generalities because they come that way before experience solidifies them. This frustrates almost everyone, but if I don’t start in the generalities, I’ll never get where I need to be. People somehow think that just by being specific they are being more precise. I disagree.
I could live in New York now because I’d find a few people somehow. Those people would introduce me to others, and I might not be scared of meeting them. The only way I know to destroy fear or loneliness is to embrace the excitement and opportunity. And that in of itself is better than losing the fear.
Instead of sticking with New York, I’m bailing and hoping that the city will be here when I get back.